I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
