U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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