Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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