Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
