If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
