the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
