We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
