i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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