I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
