I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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