turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
