Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
