I'm drive I can fine osifer
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
