My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
