I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
