I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
