Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
