I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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