Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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