I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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