I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
