She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize