i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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