you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
