sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
