He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
