he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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