i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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