Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
