I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
