my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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