she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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