mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
