Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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