We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
