We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
