There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
