It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
