all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
