Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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