I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
