i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
