I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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