Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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