im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
