It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
