I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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