Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
