We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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