So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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