The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
