There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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