i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
