I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
