I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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