My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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