Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
