So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
