Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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