I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
