Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
