I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize