Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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