because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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