Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
